loneliness.

My emotions are like waves that were bottled up then suddenly whatever it was holding it, broke apart then all those water come flooding in, drowning me from everything. I never realized until the end that I've already drown and died from all the promises, rejection and loneliness, life has given me.

they asked me to smile so i smiled,
they asked me to be happy so i pretended to be.
but i really want to cry.

two hours

two hours away from Yunho.
i really wanna see him.
chubby bear! mel is coming to see you!

my jaejoong.

happy birthday, my love.

even though, you don't have any idea what you're doing to me, i still want to say thank you. thank you for always being there unlike my parents, thank you for always wiping all the tears from my face unlike my friends. thank you for just being there reminding me that i have to be strong.

the best thing you have given to me as an idol.. is not your stardom.. is not your voice.. is not your talent.. but that adorable smile of yours. it gives me encouragement, it gives me hope that maybe someday i can smile like that too.

holy land~

is canada
canada is
CANADA

i'm exactly 21 hours away from vancouver, canada.
where jaejoong and hyun joong (one of the best men alive) are.

Pictures from diana922

And I thought I'm the only one who noticed...

It's hard,
it's really hard...

We never knew that we would end up like this.

I miss the smiles,
the laughs,
the stories,
the things that we should have kept from each other but we said it anyway.

What happened?

Well...

who could have thought it would end this way?

---

How much I wish that what I just wrote was just a poem.. but it isn't.
I feel like crap this past few days and I'm just floating like a ghost.
I'm so disappointed with what I lost and what I had lost myself into.
I lost friends that I really thought would stay forever.

---

I don't say names because I feel it's not necessary.
You know who you are and if you don't then god, from the start what we call friendship is just bullshit.
If I could rewind I would, If I could change everything I would.
but I can't
and that is sad.

---

My life ends.

The tears we shed,
the pain we felt.
The path we took,
The people we lost.

The smiles are gone,
and I have none.
This is what is left,
will my life end?

the ☆ of my life.

happy xiahday! the ☆ of my life, xiah junsu.